Metamorphosis
By Nicholas Maldonado
In 1980, the civil war in El Salvador began. With a step-father in the military, and a brother in the FMLN(Guerrilla; Frente Farabundo Martí para la Liberación Nacional), Antonia and her sisters wanted to get away from war, murder, and away from having to choose a side. Antonia didn’t have her mother anymore. Her older sister Ana-Ruth, was the one who took care of Antonia and all the other siblings. The step-father was always gone and didn’t leave money or food for them. So Ana-Ruth worked to keep Antonia and her sisters from starving. Being sick of all that was going on, they decided to leave. El viaje para Los Estados Unidos era largo y difícil” said Antonia. Antonia arrived to the U.S. in 1987 and since then, she has been making a great life for herself, my two brothers, and I. But was it really a great life?
Assimilate!
My mother was 15 when she arrived to the U.S. in 1987. She moved in with my aunt Rosa, who had arrived 5 years before, in Redwood City, CA. Antonia soon after arriving began attending Woodside High School. She was bullied a lot in school because of where she was from. Her peers, for some reason, were not very accepting of Salvadorians. Despite all the bullying she was receiving, she kept on trying. Even with the language barrier Antonia would have graduated. ”Ours, then, were names that stood as barriers to a complete embrace of an American identity, simply because their pronunciations were required a slip into Spanish, the otherness that assimilation was supposed to erase” said Manuel Muñoz in Leave Your Name at the Border. Antonia, just like my Tia Rosa, had changed her name so that it would be easier to fit in. My mother, Antonia, goes by Cristina and my Tia, Rosa, goes by Janet. Settling in to a foreign place is difficult and changes must be made to fit in. Antonia would have done just fine fitting in if she had not gotten pregnant. The moment she found out she was epecting, she fell into the lower social group. That’s when I come crying into the picture.
La Cárcel o La Tumba.
In 2005, I turned 15, I didn’t appreciate life much and I took a lot for granted. Hadn’t realized all of the struggles my mother went through to give my brothers and I the life that we’ve always wanted. Even though at the time, we didn’t know that we had all we needed. We thought that life for everyone was supposed to be like the rich boys in the movies and if it isn’t, then your life should be like those Cholo movies. In 8th grade, I started hanging out with the wrong crew. I didn’t get into much trouble until my freshman year. That’s where my biggest mistakes and my biggest lessons in life began. My freshman year of high school. I got myself involved in gangs and got myself into a lot of trouble at school and at home. I also started doing drugs and drinking that year as well. I ended up getting kicked out of High Tech High in Redwood City and my mother forced me to live with my Godmother in Livermore thinking that I’d stay out of trouble. My behavior only got worse. I got even more involved with gangs, drugs, and violence. Sophomore year rolled on by soon enough and things hit rock bottom. I was addicted to Ecstasy, drank alcohol every day, and smoked marijuana everyday. When my mother found out about the life I was leading, I felt that she was telling the drugs in my life what Sammy told Tony during the fight with Pifas in Sammy and Juliana in Hollywood; “Orale! Look! He’s down. Ya parale. You win, damnit. What do you say you leave the pobre pendejo alone, ese,” and then she couldn’t anymore and she began to get sick. My enemies from Redwood City were also going after my brother because they could not get to me. All these problems kept piling up. My mother only got sicker.
From an ugly little caterpillar to an ugly little butterfly...
It finally dawned on me that I was the reason for my mother being sick. She got to the point that she had to be hospitalized for the migraines. Since that day, I moved back with my mother and promised her that I would leave all that life behind. My mother soon got better and my grade went up and I was playing sports in school. But then I got kicked out of Los Altos High School because I was credit deficient because I slacked off freshman and sophomore year. So I was sent to Alta Vista High where I ended up graduating early, even though I was behind almost a year and a half. This made my mother very proud. College on the other hand, was very difficult for me. There was a lot going on with my brother at the time and I was depressed and fell back into Ecstasy. I thought my brother was going to be in prison for 15 years or more. But things turned out good and I stopped popping pills because I didn’t want my brother to see me that way. Now two years after high school, I’m back into college and doing just fine. My greatest weakness is my family. But my family is also my greatest strength.
Antonia, my mother, my savior.
Antonia Peña-Lima, the strongest woman I have ever met in my 20 years of breathing. The woman who has seen her child fall into hell and pulled him out. I may not have gone through her struggles, but I sure as hell know what she feels when she tells her stories. We all know what she feels. We are all connected. Our hearts tied to each other like cups on the ends of strings. By having this connection, she made us appreciate. We know all she did to prevent us from going through the same struggles. Is the life that she gave us really a great life? It really is. It’s an amazing life. My brothers and I have gone through our own obstacles and we regret nothing. Every mistake happens for a reason; so that we learn from it.
